Lately, God has been showing me that as much as I need to be patient with Him, He can be patient with me too. I have been learning that His love is manifested in many ways. He knows our hearts and shows us His love each day. He simply calls us to open our eyes to see it. He calls us to choose Him and to do so daily before we can choose a partner to dance through life with.
I know I have shared this before, but I have a heart that wants to be married. I have always had a strong desire to share life with someone and that desire is a good one, a great one, because He planted that in me. However, He had to shatter what I was once putting on a pedestal and get me at a place of surrender, in order to remind me that if I never get married, He is enough. This has been extremely difficult for me especially because what He gives us is supernatural and at times, difficult to fathom. But I love that God gives us swift reminders of the real reason we are here. Once I was able to wrap my mind around the fact that we are here solely for Him and solely to bring glory to His Kingdom, it was easier for me to say, “Ok God, I choose You.”
As I have been shattering the idol of marriage, God has shown me more of who I am and more of the man I want to do life with. First, let me share with you what He has been teaching me (and being patient with me as I learn). In this season of singleness, He has been begging me to embrace who I am and whose I am. Let me tell you, it has been a bit of work, good work, and one that has required me to be easy on myself. It has been the work of letting go, leaving all of the lies behind and leaning closer to Him in order to hear His heart beating for me. He has been teaching me that I am of great value to Him and because of that, I should never settle for when I do choose who to dance through life with.
Learning more on my value to Him, I learn more about how much He wants me to just be with Him. He values our relationship as the same prize and I hope to value my marriage, but even more so. When you love someone so much you love being around that person even when you aren’t doing anything. You don’t have to do. You can just be. You can talk about anything with this person and make each other laugh, knowing you are a comfort to one another when hard times comes. Now, think about your relationship with Jesus. Does it look like that? Where you can just sit with Him and be? Asking Him to enter your heart and just have a conversation. In John 15:5, Jesus welcomes us into a close relationship with Him. He calls His disciples His friends! The King of all kings has adopted us and we are His. Let that sink in. Now, the best part of all of this is the fact that we aren’t of any great use to God. I hope you caught that. But I’ll say it again: we aren’t of any great use to God.
God does not need us for anything. He can do anything He wants and all by Himself. He doesn’t want us to do His work for Him. Instead, He wants us to choose Him! When things happen for His kingdom, it’s because He has invited us to come along to be a part of what He is already doing. God can use us, will use us, and wants to. But He asks us to choose Him, because we are of great value to Him and being of great value to Him is much different than being of great use. It’s a choice we have to make to let Him enter our hearts in order for great work to be done. Amazing, right?! God’s timing is perfect and He is teaching me this now in order to prepare my heart to be in line with the wife He wants me to be.
When I look back on my dating life I cannot help but shake my head and laugh. No offense to my ex boyfriends, but I simply did not choose well and there are a lot of reasons for this. To put it simply, my walk with Jesus was not what it is today and He had to teach me the hard way (aka, I wasn’t listening). God wants the best for us but I love that He will sit back, let us try and figure it out but lovingly catch us when we fall. All while doing it with a heart full of grace and a face with a smile, reminding us in love that we cannot do anything without Him.
As I am reminder in Isaiah 43:4 that I am precious to Him, I am able to be more in tune with the man that God has intended for me. And as much as I need to choose Jesus every single day, I will need to choose my husband as well. Relationships are messy and take a lot of work. I know there are going to be times in my marriage that I will not like my husband and he will not like me. However, we will know that we made a choice before God to choose each other and to do so for His kingdom until we go home to Him.
As I mentioned earlier, God is showing me more of the man He is molding for me. What I mean by that is that God is still working on his heart too, not just mine. I need to trust in that. In the last few weeks, He has shown up, showing me that He is the author of the best love stories. Praying for a man’s heart, that he would love Him more than he would love me, is the best thing a woman can do for her future husband. Here is a glimpse into His grace and His hand working on a warrior of a man’s heart:
“I went on a date with a woman a few weeks ago and I am in trouble. I’ve been on a lot of dates with girls. Many great, attractive, kind girls. But I’ve rarely, if ever, dated a woman. And the difference is powerful. A woman is confident, refined, and tested. A woman has seen adversity and doesn’t need saved from it, though she’d love the security of knowing she’s not alone in it either. What I am realizing as I fall for this gorgeous woman with an even more beautiful heart, is that she is artwork at it’s finest. I am learning more about my Father’s ability to create, imagine and craft than I have in a very long time. The reflection of His hands at work are all over this woman (Genesis 1:27, Phillipians 1:6). His face and His character shine through her in ways that I’ve previously not seen in another person. And I’m learning that this is the kind of love that He created us for- to appreciate His beauty through His creation. It would be easy for us to say, ‘Thanks God for teeing this up for us. We got it from here.’ But we would only be robbing ourselves of an opportunity to watch Him weave an adventure and a story line the way that only the Creator of the universe, who ordained each of our days before they ever came to be, knows how.”
God’s way with us is so deliberate and He calls us to choose Him, so that He can deliver His promises to us. I am thankful to have a heart for Him and thankful that He cares enough about me to shatter my idols in order to give me His best. He is showing me that through the post above.
Wherever you are in life, whether you are single, or married, Jesus is The One you need. He loves you. He laid His life down for you. On the cross, He made a way for you to always be with Him. He comes for you the way a groom comes for his bride. As God is patient with us, let us be patient with Him. Holding tight to His promises and reminding ourselves that our hearts desires are good, as long as they are in tune with His spirit. God has given us the gift of His spirit to always be with us, to assure us of His promise of return and to comfort us in the meantime (Joshua 23:14).
Below is a prayer I have in my journal that I have been praying every morning in order to say: I choose You. And as I lean in closer to Him, sharing with Him my desires, in His time, He shows up and answers.
“Jesus, I give myself to you. I surrender- fully and completely. Forgive me for chasing after other comforters, thinking that you are not enough. I know that You are. Wash my sins clean. I am Your bride. Come for me! I invite you into my heart now and forever and the door is open to my heart. You are enough. And I am Yours. “
With Grace and Love,